I have done a lot of soul searching recently, and realised something about myself: I am seriously afraid of commitment.
I don't mean the relationship kind, no, this is something far more crucial. I am afraid of committing to myself, my own happiness.
I have teetered around the edges of life for as long as I can remember, done a language degree, courses in various natural therapies (many unfinished), learnt violin, then stopped, a little bit of guitar and piano (emphasis on the little bit!), and am currently on my latest adventure, an art foundation course. There have been so many possibilities swimming around in my consciousness that it's felt like my head's going to explode!!
I have been so afraid of deciding on one or two things and possibly getting it wrong that I have committed to nothing in particular, though I feel now that I have rather shortchanged myself. So...
2012 is going to be my year, the year where I decide on a few areas and begin to really focus in and really see what I am capable of. Kind of exciting, kind of scary, but there it is. Like the Fool in the tarot deck I aim to plunge myself headlong into life at last, and I won't be looking back, as this feels like an opportunity not to be missed.
Go Suzanne! Haven;t got your email address, so will leave the links here that I was talking about
ReplyDeletehttp://www.dreamingaloud.net/2011/12/i-can-only-be-me-and-you-can-only-be.html
http://www.dreamingaloud.net/2011/12/2012-year-of-abundant-rainbows.html
http://www.dreamingaloud.net/2012/01/reclaiming-i.html
http://www.dreamingaloud.net/2011/11/how-to-be-creative-mama.html
~And what my next book is about
http://www.dreamingaloud.net/2011/05/of-earth-mothers-and-creative-rainbow.html
Oh and starting things but giving up - yup, I get that too!! http://www.dreamingaloud.net/2012/06/queen-of-half-assed.html
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